Moments
by Francesca Montag
Summary: Life is a series of moments...and that's no different for the Doctor.
1. Rose

_This is a **brand new** _story, _**not** a bunch of one-shots. Please keep that in mind. _

_Also, many thanks to _elvespiratesandcowboysohmy _for her encouragement and love of this story so far :) We'll see how this goes. _

_Disclaimer: Of course DW doesn't belong to me. I'm not that clever :)_

* * *

Moments

_Because life is a series of moments._

The Doctor didn't know how to get the words out.

Normally, he wouldn't have this problem. Companions just sort of…happened. But he couldn't wait for Rose to invite herself along – she was oblivious to the opportunity. He felt his heartbeats quicken.

What if she said _no_?

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thought. This human, this girl…Rose…was different from the rest. He didn't know exactly how he knew – it was the same way he knew the timelines; they twisted and swayed among his thoughts, not always clear but always there. And he wanted to know exactly how and why she was so different.

"I'll be off then, except…I dunno...maybe, you want to come along," he let the last part dribble out. The Doctor could feel a tremor in his hands; he kept his arms clasped tightly across his chest. He held her eyes for a moment, the intensity so vivid so…real that he stopped breathing.

Then the boyfriend tugged at her and broke the fervor of the moment. He saw her blink hard, visibly as affected as he was.

"Nah, someone has to take care of this lump," she laughed humorlessly, patting Rickey on the back. There was emptiness to the sound. So unlike when she smiled gleefully up at him after stating, proudly, that she had saved him.

He felt odd. Disappointment painted his features. He attempted to disguise it.

"Alright then," he said softly, slowly disappearing back inside the Tardis.

He rushed to the console, his heavy boots thumping loudly on the floor. He flipped switches, tugged on levers, eager to leave Rose Tyler and her memory behind.

***

Once in the Vortex, he slumped down on the console chair. She had wanted to come. He knew she did. She wanted to see what else was out there…with him. If it wasn't for that idiot…

That ordinary human girl was so extraordinary. Didn't she see that? Didn't that idiot of a boyfriend of hers see it? Or her mother? They were with her every day; didn't they see how much she didn't belong there? She was special. He saw it as plainly as he saw the sky.

What he didn't know, was how he knew that she was special.

Maybe he should go back?

No.

He never asks twice.

But he couldn't let go of this feeling deep inside his chest. It was a feeling he had long since given up on.

Hope.

Thoughts, images and timelines kept shifting in his mind. They made him feel a range of emotions – happiness, sadness, hate, hope, helplessness.

But through all the thoughts that kept flickering in his mind, there was one constant image among them…

Rose.

She was swimming in his thoughts, present, past and future. And again, he was confronted with the urge to go back to her. But it was insane, feeling this helpless over a human.

_Well_, he thought, _I could always go and find out on my own what makes her so special…_

The Tardis hummed with disapproval.

"Oh, I'll make sure she doesn't see me. Or him…I mean…me."

With a final shrug of his leather-clad shoulders, he flipped the final switch and readied himself for the past.

***


	2. No One's Gonna Stop Me

***

The Tardis came to a bumpy stop. He figured it was still disappointed in him. But he lost his planet, his people, his friends and family, he saved the world each day…if he wanted to give in to curiosity, he would. No one was going to stop him.

He stepped outside and saw that he had landed right where he wanted to be (perhaps the Tardis wasn't _that_ mad at him). He was outside of the Powell Estate. According to the dial, Rose would be ten years old at this time.

A couple of boys yelling caught his attention. As he turned their way, he saw that they were yelling at a girl.

His stomach churned. They were yelling at a mousy-haired, rail-thin Rose Tyler. He stared at her, idly wondering about the present day Rose and how…_attractive_ she had become. Still, seeing her as a little girl, she was very beautiful. Her sight warmed his hearts.

"Po' Rose Tyler. Po' and ugly!" the boys cackled at their taunting.

The Doctor clenched his fists. He had to remind himself that he couldn't get involved.

"Leave me alone!" yelled the young Rose. She broke away from the huddle they had trapped her in, running up to her mum's flat. The Doctor couldn't help but smirk. Even as a tiny, little thing, she still had the courage to stand up for herself.

He could hear the boys cackling. With a wide stride, he walked over to the boys who grew incredibly quiet when he stood with them.

"What's wrong?" he asked, playing dumb.

The boys merely stared up at him, mumbling, "Nothing" under their breath.

"What," continued the Doctor, looking down at them, "don't like it when some one taller than you, stronger than you, and much more clever than you, towers over you?" He let his voice drop to a rumble as he let the intensity, the anger of what they were doing to Rose drip, intertwined with his voice. He knew he shouldn't be scaring children, but he couldn't get the image of an upset ten year old Rose out of his mind.

The boys' eyes widened and they scurried off, running fast to get away from him.

The Doctor grinned at his deed as he walked toward the Tardis, ready for the next moment.

***

* * *

_Sorry it's so short…they get longer, don't worry :)_


	3. Jimmy Stone

With a push of button and a lift of a lever, the Doctor set out for the next moment in time. The Tardis materialized in front of Rose's old school. He calculated that she would be…16. He'd have to be a bit more careful so that she didn't see him. Surely, if she saw him now, she'd remember his daft old face and large ears. Not to mention his nose…

Smiling, he opened the large doors of his blue box and stepped out into the street. When he looked toward the school, he felt like the air had been knocked out of his chest. There, slightly hidden behind a wall of the school was Rose Tyler…snogging some leather-jacket punk. The Doctor felt his blood boil underneath his skin, reaching the tips of his ears…and that was saying something. Instead of running over there and pulling him off of her, he reluctantly hid behind the Tardis. After a few moments, he wished Rose would come up for air at least. He wasn't too far away from them so he tried not to stare so intently, instead he pretended to merely be idling outside a big blue police box. Nevermind the fact that they hadn't been around for quite awhile.

Eventually Rose did come up for air. Her skin was flushed and her lips were red and swollen. The sight angered the Doctor, but it lingered in his mind as well. She looked so blissful, he began to wonder if that's how she'd look if_…_

He chided himself for such thoughts. He also tried to not focus on what Rose was wearing: a pink v-neck jumper that dipped way too low in the front, a black miniskirt, short black boots, and a sweater that covered nothing.

Shaking his head, he strained to hear what they were saying.

"Alright, Jimmy, I'll talk to you later!" Rose bubbled, smiling from ear to ear. The Doctor cringed. Jimmy merely nodded and winked. The Doctor couldn't help but roll his eyes. He saw Rose walk away in the direction of the Powell Estate. He was just about to follow her when he heard Jimmy's Neanderthal-sounding voice. _Well, that's just not fair, what did the Neanderthals ever do to you_, thought the Doctor.

"Hey babe," his voice dripped with drool and un-cleverness.

The Doctor looked up to see a blond hugging Jimmy. Had Rose returned?

The blond laughed with giddiness and then proceeded to snog Jimmy Stone. Only that blond wasn't Rose Tyler.

The Doctor could feel frantic anger rise up again, boiling his blood.

That idiot had the opportunity of having Rose, and he was mucking it up with someone else.

Whoa, thought the Doctor, halting his anger, where had all this come from? You'd think he was a stupid ape. He was about to walk down the street in the direction he had last seen Rose leaving when she beat him to it. He jumped behind the Tardis, feeling idiotic at doing so.

"What the hell! Jimmy!? What are you doing?!" she screamed at him.

The Doctor couldn't help but smile.

"Wha' babe? She's just a friend," his voice was indifferent with a small twitch of worry. The Doctor rolled his eyes but continued smiling: he'd seen Rose Tyler mad, and boy, was Timmy in for a beating.

"Really?"

The Doctor's head snapped up. Had he just heard Rose say…

No.

Where was the feisty blond? Why wasn't she yelling at _this_ idiot?

He saw the other blond scurry away while Rose glared at her. Then she simply took her place next to Jimmy's smirking self and they walked on down the street to the Powell Estate.

The Doctor was dumbfounded…which was saying a lot.

He didn't have to follow their future to know that he'd break her heart. The only questions were when and to what extent?

As he walked back into the Tardis, it suddenly clicked for the Doctor. The boyfriend…Rickey or something…he sure seemed pretty safe to be around, to care about. Had Rose learned to play it safe?

Once inside, the Doctor smiled as he pumped the lever and pressed a button.

It sounded like Ms. Tyler needed a little adventure in her life.

* * *

_Ahh, that sneaky Doctor of ours. What will he do next? Excuse me, _when _will he go next ;)_

_Hope you're enjoying it so far._


	4. The Dickens

The Tardis materialized and wouldn't let the Doctor know where he was.

Exasperated, he decided to just walk out and see what was going on, since his ship refused to cooperate.

He took a step outside to hear a crunching beneath his feet. He looked down and smiled slightly. It was snowing. It really was a beautiful sight, but he wanted to know what was so important about Cardiff blanketed in snow.

The Doctor walked along the street, noticing people walking hurriedly and excitedly along the streets. If he had to guess, which he didn't, he'd say it was the year 1869.

That's when he heard it, two familiar voices.

"It's Cardiff."

"Oh." The voice sounded a bit disappointed.

Why did those voices sound so familiar?

He leaned against a wall and peered around its corner. He saw that one of those voices belonged to him and the other to one Rose Tyler. The Doctor leaned away from the edge so they…he…whatever…couldn't see him. His hearts were pumping heavily against his chest and he could feel his head swimming.

She had said yes.

But how? Why? He must have gone back and asked again. But how can that be? He never asks twice.

The situation was confusing him. He dared to look out again, attempting to quench his curiosity and only finding it growing when he saw the look he had on his face. He looked…happy.

And Rose…she looked…

She was radiant.

She was wearing a long skirt and a sort of corset, attempting to blend in, but completely blowing it. She looked bloody gorgeous. The Doctor frowned. He wasn't used to thinking such things.

He leaned back against the wall, attempting to organize his thoughts. Apparently, he'd gone back and asked her along for a second time, which was strange in itself. But she had said yes, and that was the part that intrigued the Doctor even more because he knew, he _knew_ she wanted to come along with him.

How long would they travel together if he chose to follow that tangle of a future?

He ran toward the Tardis, ready to find out.

* * *

_Sorry it's taking awhile to get this up. I've had a stressful few weeks. The story is partially done...we'll see how often I post I guess. Hope you're enjoying it :)_


	5. Concrete

The Tardis materialized in what appeared to be a giant slab of concrete. But, like most things in the universe, the giant slab turned out to be something more than just that.

As he stepped out of the Tardis, he could hear a laser of some kind off in the distance. The sound made the Doctor's skin prickle with a sudden chill. He could hear people talking, but none of the voices resembled Rose's.

Where and when had the Tardis brought him?

He decided to follow the strange voices, quietly so as to not startle whoever was on the other side of the concrete wall. A door was open and he peered in, curiosity masking the fear that was crawling up his throat. He couldn't understand why he felt it, only that it was there.

The Doctor looked in and quickly threw himself back when he saw his own nearly bald head. He was going to end up with a backache if he kept doing that.

"She was 19 years old…" he heard himself say. More followed the sentence, but he couldn't quite process it.

She.

He must be talking about Rose. Wait, what did he mean by _was_? He could feel his hearts stop as he let the words sink in. Maybe he was talking about someone else. Surely he'd never let…

And then he heard it. That voice. That mechanical, cold, ruthless voice. A voice he never wanted to hear again. A voice he thought he had gotten rid of…and at what a price.

"What good are emotions if you cannot save the woman you love?"

The Doctor didn't know what had shocked him more: the fact that there was still a Dalek in existence or that the thing was talking about love. Unable to quiet his curiosity and fear of not hearing Rose's voice once since his arrival, he dared to look into the room.

Upon doing so, the Doctor could see Rose on the screen, but his delight in seeing her, alive and well, was quickly ruined by the presence of the Dalek standing behind her. How had the future him let that thing get within one inch of Rose?

And wait a second…did the Dalek just say…woman you…._love_?

What?

***

The Doctor flew back into the Tardis soon after repeating the Dalek's words over and over in his mind.

Woman you…love.

That's what that thing had said.

He paced around the console, his arms clasped tightly around his chest.

How close had he let her get?

And most importantly…_why_?

Without a quick comment to his beloved machine, he pushed and pulled at buttons and levers and let the Tardis decide his next stop.


	6. Dust

***

He stepped out of the Tardis and into a dark, rather quiet large room. The Doctor sensed that he was hidden in the shadows.

Then he heard her.

His eyes darted to her so quickly that he began to wonder what was already happening to him.

He saw her standing at a podium in some sort of game show. Brow furrowed in confusion, he looked around and saw what looked like…

No, it couldn't be.

Before he could decipher the presence of the rather familiar looking robot in the center, he heard a door clang open against the wall. The Doctor saw himself, a blond woman and a man with pants on that were way too tight burst through. Time seemed to slow down by then, which was impossible. Time only existed the way it did, it didn't slow down or speed up for anyone and _especially_ not for him. But he couldn't fight his perception that time did indeed feel like it was slowing right in front of his eyes.

Then, he heard Rose yelling and saw her rushing forth toward the other him. Before he could react, even though he knew he shouldn't, he saw the laser beam and then…just like that, she was gone.

The Doctor stood still in the darkness. He blinked hard, hoping that when he opened his eyes, she would be there. But when he did, all he saw was a pile of dust on the ground in front of the other Doctor.

His attention was grabbed by the future him's face. It was a look of anguish, of such pain…it resembled the way he felt when he lost Gallifrey. He could hear the painful cries of the leather-pant man off in the distance. The man must be important somehow in this future.

The Doctor ignored this and concentrated on standing so very still. He felt that if he tried to move, he'd fall.

The worse part is that he didn't fully understand why. All he knew is that look on his face…it wasn't…it just couldn't be.

Forcing himself to walk back into the Tardis, he couldn't help the feeling of pain that had since seeped into his chest.

The Doctor walked slowly to the console chair, and sat down slowly. His eyes were burning and he wasn't quite sure how to interpret what was going on inside of him just then.

The bubbly, young, clever Rose Tyler…reduced to a pile of dust.

He wasn't prepared for that. For once, death and loss had not been the first things on his mind. Not when he looked at her. To have both elements join company…it did something inexplicable to his hearts.

He ignored the look he had seen on his face moments before.

Then, a much different feeling overcame him. A red-hot fire burned in his chest. The Doctor could feel the sensation reaching the tips of his ears. The jacket had grown much too warm for him.

He jumped up from the seat, pushing and pulling - he made his destination clear.

He was going to make them pay.

***

_I know, I know! I left you on a cliffhanger :) But that's what stories are for too, yeah?_

_Hope you like :)_


	7. Bad Wolf

_I left you all in quite a cliffhanger last time. But no worries, our Doctor is safe and sound :) And so is his Rose. _

_All dialogue that you recognize does not belong to me. I don't own Doctor Who (obviously). _

_Enjoy._

***

The Doctor pushed open the door with rage. He could feel the storm brewing inside of him, ready to be released.

Then he realized where he was.

A cupboard.

Why was it always a cupboard?

Sighing, the storm having settled for the moment, he reached the door and peeked through.

Rose.

His hearts leapt. She was wearing the same thing he had just seen her disappear in, a red hooded sweater, white shirt and black pants.

She was alive!

He could see himself pulling at wires on the floor. Rose was attempting conversation.

"I'm just too good," he heard her say.

He smiled, absentmindedly. He knew the words to be true, but he also knew she didn't believe them.

All of a sudden, he saw himself jump up, startling both him and Rose. Then he saw future him plant a kiss on her forehead. The sight made him uncomfortable. He hadn't been that close to another…_anything_…in quite awhile. He was witnessing so much affection too quickly. It was giving him whiplash.

He saw himself rush into the Tardis, Rose trailing behind.

Well, that didn't make sense. From what he could tell from his hiding place, it seemed like…well, the end of the world. He had felt it many times over, he knew the signs: him, always alone, trying helplessly to stop it. He saw the look in his eyes, he knew it well.

So, why was he leaving? He only leaves after the job is done.

He heard a door close and looked up to see himself staring back at his beloved ship as she de-materialized into nothingness.

Oh.

His hearts swelled and his mind spun. Leaving the door slightly ajar, he staggered back.

This was getting to be too much. He was seeing too much.

Without trying, he realized what he was doing out there.

He sent her back. Sent her home.

Of course he did.

But…it was all meeting the same conclusion. A conclusion he couldn't believe. Could _never_ believe.

It simply didn't happen to him. Never.

He sighed, nearly conquered. Never say never ever.

Refusing to believe his false conclusion, he looked over at the future him. Sadness was swimming in those centuries-old eyes of his.

That is why he never got too close. Not again.

The pain burned.

He wasn't even there experiencing it firsthand and yet he could feel it.

Loss.

Always the loss.

Time passed and the Doctor stayed standing for who knew how long. He could hear the Dalek talking to him, and he knew it was the end.

So this is how he died in this future…alone and afraid.

Better a coward than a killer.

He was about to turn around to go back into his Tardis, determined to forget this future when he heard it.

The sound only one machine could make.

His machine.

He jogged back to the door, his hearts in his throat.

How could this be?

The Doctor saw the Tardis materialize before the other him. A bright golden light was shining through its now opened doors. Where was Rose? Who had flown the Tardis? His massive mind was raging with thoughts.

"What have you done?" he heard himself ask. The Doctor flinched at the desperation and fear in his voice. He was unaccustomed to hearing it so.

Then he heard her voice. It was chilling and heavenly at the same time.

"I looked into the Tardis and the Tardis looked into me."

He felt himself stun and knew that the future him was standing just as still, not breathing.

She did…what? No one…NO ONE was ever supposed to do that.

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words…"

And scatter them.

He had already seen them. The words littered his travels, but he just thought…

How did she do that?

"Rose, you've got to stop this, you've got to stop this now! You've the entire vortex running through your head, you're gonna burn!" he heard himself yell the words, making him shake with the realization.

Burn.

No more. Please, no more.

"I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false God."

The Doctor looked up from behind the door.

My Doctor.

She called him hers.

He felt his hearts quicken in their steps. He couldn't remember clearly the last time he belonged anywhere. But here was Rose Tyler…a simply fantastic girl…calling him hers.

It felt like home.

He swallowed hard and wanted with all his might to leave and forget her.

But was that even an option anymore?

Before he could determine what to do, he realized what Rose was doing.

One by one…millions upon millions of Daleks ceased to exist with the wave of her hand. The Doctor felt his eyes widen in disbelief…

_What_ was she?

"Rose, you've done it, now stop."

He swallowed, the large lump refusing to go away.

Was this how Rose dies? In the future, saving him?

He wanted to yell out to his future self and urge him to do _something._ Whoever she was, whoever she was to become in his life…he couldn't experience losing her like _this._

"Come here…" he heard himself, practically a whisper.

What? What was that tone…it was almost…

"I think you need a Doctor."

WHAT? Blimey, talk about cheesy…

So this is what he became in the future? Some idiot with a knack for corny one-liners.

The Doctor was so busy scoffing at his remark that he failed to realize what the future him was about to do.

But it didn't take long for it to register.

He saw himself pull her close, the golden swirls hanging around their heads. He could hardly believe what he was seeing. Hadn't he learned anything?

The Doctor placed his lips over hers and kissed her. A sweet, tender and lingering kiss. It was so _real _that it made his head spin.

He felt the world stop beneath his feet. Which was impossible.

But, oh, he always did like impossible.

He looked on, seeing how freely he moved with her…like two missing pieces of a puzzle. She responded to him, as much as she could in her state. The Doctor knew that he was taking the vortex out of her…but there were so many ways of doing that…and _that _was not necessary to do so.

But he did it anyway.

Was it possible for him to be jealous of himself?

He forced himself away from the sight and walked back to the Tardis.

He knew what was going to happen now.

***


	8. Feverish Mumblings

***

The quiet was deafening in the Tardis. He had been sitting in it for quite awhile, unsure if he wanted to walk outside its doors.

Taking the vortex in was no small feat. The results meant death.

Of course he would have saved Rose, there was nothing else more to say to that.

But he knew what would happen to himself. The Doctor needed some time to come to terms with that. Losing himself, in any regeneration, was difficult. However, this time, it meant something completely different. He knew how badly his past companions took to his regenerations. How would Rose react?

She'd leave. Of course she would, he scoffed. Rose was young with a boyfriend and mum at home.

Oh, but he could give her the stars…if only she'd stay with him.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself off the console, down the ramp to the Tardis doors.

Stepping out, he saw that the Tardis had brought him to the Powell Estate. Closing the doors behind him, he walked a block ahead of where he materialized. Around the corner he saw a bumped and bruised Tardis, but no sign of his next regeneration or Rose. No one, for that matter, was outside.

Then, he heard it. A woman was screaming up above.

He ran without thinking.

Once on the top floor, he found a destruction of a familiar flat. He could hear voices inside belonging to Rose and her mum. The Doctor knew it was best if he turned back…it would only confuse them to see him…plus…timelines and meeting himself and all that. Best be done with it.

He was about to turn away when he heard a heartbreaking sound through the broken window, one he had only heard rumblings of when Rose had thought Rickey had died.

Rose was crying.

But not just any cries, they were full of pain and desperation.

"He left me mum…he left me…" she kept repeating.

He felt his heart constrict for what felt like the millionth time since he started his little journey. A part of him chided himself for thinking she was talking about him, but a larger part of him knew…just _knew_…that she was talking about him. And as much as her cries brought on a familiar anguish to his own heart, it elated him to think that she missed him so.

Then the thought struck him – he must have never told Rose about his regenerations.

Blimey, what an idiot.

Unable to hear her cries any longer, he crept along the balcony until he found another broken window. His Time Lord curiosity getting the best of him (as always), he dared a peek inside the room.

His eyes widened as they fell upon a thin, pajama-wearing, floppy-haired man on the bed. Off to the corner of the room, he recognized the familiar sight of his worn leather jacket. The Doctor felt tears stinging the back of his eyes, but refused to pay attention to them. This trip wasn't about him….not really.

And still not ginger, he thought, pouting slightly.

He heard a door creaking open and ducked beneath the window sill, the torn curtains providing no shelter from future eyes. After a few minutes of silence, his curiosity again got the best of him and he slowly lifted his head to catch a glimpse at who was in the room with the future him.

Rose's back was turned towards him, her platinum blond locks flowing over her shoulders. Her sight brought an involuntary smile to his face. He shook it off.

He saw her take a damp cloth out of a bowl to gently dab at the next regeneration's burning forehead. Regeneration sickness always left him feverish and incapacitated. But it warmed his hearts to see that she was taking care of him…that she was _worried_ about him. The Doctor heard his future self mumble and saw him tremble from beneath the covers they had placed on him.

Rose let out a shaky sigh as she leaned over and kissed him on his forehead.

The Doctor's eyes widened at the look streaming from her down to the useless lump on the bed. He ducked underneath the window as he knew Rose was about to leave the room. Humans, for the most part, were predictable.

After he heard the door click shut, he stood up to look at his future self more closely. He was…pretty, he mused. Which…was interesting and…new. But all of this mattered none if it meant he'd go back to traveling on his own again.

He wasn't so sure if he'd make it if he had to do it again.

The Doctor wasn't completely certain what had happened to him since meeting Rose Tyler, but he knew it was something extraordinary.

And he knew that with all things extraordinary, there was no going back.

"Vortex…"

The Doctor looked over at his future form, hearing his feverish mumblings.

"_Rose_…_Rose_…" he continued, repeating her name over and over like a prayer.

The Doctor swallowed harshly, turned on his heel and quickly walked down and toward his Tardis.

***

_Hope you're enjoying the story so far :) I love writing it! _


	9. Apples

***

He was unsure if he wanted to see what would come of his Tenth regeneration and Rose.

Would she leave him? Would she like him better? The idea caused a hurt to permeate from his fingertips.

In the end, he realized that there was no way to quench his curiosity, so he decided to let the Tardis choose his destination. Once he felt her come to a stop, he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep breath. No matter what the outcome, he told himself, he would admit that it was for the best.

With his heavy boots thumping on the grating, he made his way slowly to the doors. With one last deep breath, he opened the doors.

He kept his eyes closed, still unsure if he wanted to see.

But then…the smell…

Apples?

He opened his eyes and a gradual grin grew on his worn face.

Apple grass.

The Doctor had landed on New Earth.

He laughed, despite himself. Of course! What a fantastic metaphor. Rose had to still be traveling with him. Why else would he come to this place? The Doctor, as tortured as he was, never was one to stay still in a place this gorgeous for long.

A familiar laugh caused him to look at the patch of land below. Instantly, his smile wavered and then disappeared completely. Down there stood Rose and New New Doctor, laughing and holding hands, running toward the hospital not too far ahead. He felt twinges of jealousy sting his chest. The Doctor knew it was pointless and truly idiotic to be jealous of himself…but had Rose really taken to the new him so quickly?

The Doctor headed down the patch of land, slowly following his future.

*

He had purposefully walked slowly to the hospital. Once inside the building, he made no attempt to hide his presence. The Doctor was trying to come to terms with what had happened to him as well as Rose's reaction to the new him. He was glad that she seemed to accept his regeneration, but it offended his hearts and pride a bit, how close she appeared to be with this pretty Doctor so quickly, even if it was _him_.

Turning a corner, he stopped in his tracks, his mouth agape with the scene being played out in front of him. Right there, in the middle of the large stark white hallway, Rose was kissing this new, new Doctor rather heatedly. Her hands were in his hair and she was pressing herself against him in a rather suggestive way.

His future self did nothing to stop her, if anything, when they parted he appeared to be offset, his eyes unable to focus on anything.

The Doctor's jealousy flared and he thought it better to leave this time and place.

Without being seen, he turned on his heel and ran all the way back to the Tardis.

***

_Happy New Year :) Goodbye Ten :(_

_Long live Ten in Fanfiction! :)_


	10. Fireplaces and White Horses

***

The Doctor hit the console's panel more aggressively than he would normally. The Tardis shook its insides in warning. He could be angry all he wanted, it wasn't _her_ fault.

He slumped down on his chair, his mouth set in a pout. It was stupid to be jealous of _himself_, he knew this. But…how could she kiss the future him so easily? The Doctor saw her do no such thing when she was traveling with him…

_But _you_ did._

Shaking himself, he attempted to ignore the tiny voice at the back of his mind.

That was it. He was ending this journey. Obviously, she wanted the pretty boys so there was no use in even bothering to go back for her. Let her live her life with her idiotic boyfriend and her lovely beans on toast.

The Tardis, having grown tired of his own idiocies, landed harshly causing the almighty Time Lord to fly from his perch and land unceremoniously on his bum.

"Oi!" he yelled up at the ceiling. The Tardis hummed back.

Groaning, he rose up from the floor and walked down the grating to the doors. He hoped he ended up on a different planet, light-years away from his former favorite species.

He opened the doors to see…

the inside of a spaceship.

What?

It was dark and empty and he had never seen it before. That was just…odd. He closed the doors of his ship behind him and continued walking down a winding hallway. He was walking so quietly that not even his boots were making a sound.

Turning a corner, he came face to face with his future self. A gasp escaped him, his eyes bulging and his hearts stuttering.

Then, he realized that he was looking at the future him through a two way mirror – he could see his skinny, floppy-haired future self, but could not be seen by him. His hearts normalized. Meeting other regenerations was always a strange occurrence.

Skinny Doctor was in a strange room…18th century he guessed from the furniture. And in the room with him was a blond…but it wasn't Rose. The woman was wearing a ball gown, and she looked familiar. The Doctor stared at her for a few more moments before it finally dawned on him – that was Madame de Pompadour. He'd read about her before. What was skinny-boy doing? Where was Rose?

Then, before he could ask himself anymore questions, he saw her charge toward the pretty-boy, kissing him with such expertise that even he blushed.

She just kept…kissing him. It seemed to go on forever. Why wasn't he stopping it? Maybe…

Finally, he heard a voice distantly and Mistress Pompadour detached herself from the Doctor. He appeared unfocused, much like when Rose had kissed him.

Where was Rose?

He saw the Doctor step back onto a fireplace and with a touch, it flipped around and he disappeared.

The Doctor stood against the nearest wall and felt a rush of sadness flow through him. Skinny-boy had been in there for quite awhile. Had Rose still been with him, she would have been there by his side, he'd seen that enough in the past moments he had visited.

What had happened to her? He felt a familiar wrenching of his hearts. Had she died? Had she died because of him? So many questions and no one to answer them.

The silence was deafening.

*

Time passed. He didn't know how long he had been standing against that wall. Eventually, he heard voices and, against his better judgment, he decided to follow them. He was being careless, but really, this journey was confusing him. It was all looking like more trouble than what it was worth.

_But maybe _she_ is worth it. _

Again, he ignored the voice and concentrated on the outward voices that were getting louder and clearer. He recognized them. Rose and…Rickey? This was getting all the more confusing.

He remained hidden in the shadows (he wasn't being _that _careless). The Doctor was walking around mumbling something or other about Pompadour. Rose was following him with a strange look in her eyes. She looked…hurt. What was that for then?

He wasn't paying too much attention to what was being said, his focus being mostly on Rose and the fact that she was still with him. What ultimately broke that focus was the Doctor suddenly jumping up on a white horse (_where had the horse come from_, he wondered) and in a second, he galloped through what appeared to be a mirror. He heard the crashing of its pieces for a mere moment before the pathway was closed up, swallowing up the future Doctor.

Unable to understand what was happening, he looked back to Rose for some idea of what was going on. But as soon as he did so, all he could see was that she was crying. She wasn't sobbing or anything, no, the tears were streaming slowly down her cheeks, her eyes drowning in the liquid. Rickey the Idiot was raving like a maniac behind her, pacing up and down. But Rose…Rose just stood there, staring at where the mirror used to be. She was so still that the Doctor had to force himself from walking to her and shaking her out of it.

And then it hit him, the realization of it.

The Doctor had left Rose behind, and from the looks of it…he might not be coming back.

*

Too much was happening in his mind, and yet, not enough.

It was getting to be five and a half hours and so much had happened, but not the one thing that should have happened.

Though, it shouldn't have been like this in the first place.

Mickey continued to rant and rave for awhile until eventually succumbing to sitting on the floor against the Tardis. He had tried talking to Rose, asking her things, demanding this and that. But they were all questions Rose couldn't answer.

The Doctor remained in the darkness, watching her. He was useless. This wasn't his time and it wouldn't make sense for him to help them now. He was waiting with them, waiting for whatever was to happen, to happen.

And Rose?

Rose had not moved one inch since his future self left her behind. The tears came, but she did not so much as release a whimper into the darkness. The Doctor didn't want to see her suffer. It had proved to be too much to do so.

But what else could he do?

He couldn't believe what _he _had done. And for _who_.

The future him left it all.

The time traveling, the adventure, the guilt and the choices, the Tardis…

He left it all.

And it wasn't even for the right person.

The Doctor felt the guilt wash over him…wave after wave. He expected it to stop hurting, to stop feeling it, to eventually become numb. He had expected to walk away by now.

But it didn't stop and he didn't leave. He couldn't leave.

Not anymore.

He waited. Five and a half hours.

He couldn't look at her anymore. The hope on her face…the trust that still lived there on a strain of hope…he didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve her.

Suddenly, he heard a clicking noise. The Doctor stood up as he heard cries of happiness and voices. He leaned closer to the edge from his hiding place. The Doctor had come back.

"Right, always wait five and a half hours!" he heard the skinny-boy shout.

The Doctor saw Rose's smile dim a little.

_Always wait five and a half hours? _Why should she have to wait at all?

Seems like the future him had forgotten a few things.

Then he saw skinny turn back, away from Rose. He heard him yell for Pompadour.

He would have done anything not to see Rose's face just then.

The bright smile and the string of hope that had been in her eyes for the past five and a half hour evaporated in a matter of seconds. All it took was one word. One name.

He was bringing her along.

The Doctor stumbled back. He turned around, and headed toward his Tardis.

He couldn't see the pain on Rose's face. Not anymore. The pain he had placed there. The pain he was oblivious to.

Was this where the future would bring him? Was this how it was to end?

In a matter of five and a half hours.

***

_You've heard me say it a million (exaggeration, I think) times, I can't get over that episode. There are just some episodes I won't get over._

_Fireplace._

_Doomsday._

_Journey's End._

_End of Time. _

_Do we see a trend?_


	11. Confusion and the Pretty Boy

***

The Doctor sat on the cold floor against one of the coral walls of his massive ship. He hadn't made it as far beyond that. He didn't have the energy to sit at the console screen.

He could see the timelines shifting, stringing visions of light flashing in his mind. In all of them, he saw her face. If he can see them now, then he could see them in the future, most assuredly.

So, why? Why did he have to leave her behind?

He had left many others behind. Why did it feel different this time?

The Doctor leaned his head back, thumping it gently against the wall.

Somehow, she had made him different.

He didn't know the whole story, he only saw some bits in between, but he could still see that she made him different…made him better.

Right now, he was broken. He didn't want to think of it, but there was no better word for it. He was truly broken, and had been for awhile. The realization of it hadn't hit him yet because there was no one around to show him. No one had held his hand, no one bothered to listen to him. _Really_ listen to him.

And yet, this fragile human girl had tumbled into his world and set it spinning. She had found a way to reach him. He went from being broken to kissing her on that space station to the hurt look in her eyes burning his insides. How had that happened?

As he stood with her on that sidewalk on earth, it seemed so long ago, he could feel it then. His hand clasped hers so tight, the earth spinning beneath them. That's when he first felt an inkling of who she might be.

Who she could be.

And a few minutes ago, he had just seen how he threw it all away.

***

The Doctor stood pacing back and forth in front of the Tardis doors. Just like before, he wasn't sure if he wanted to see what had come from his little escapade. Rose looked hurt and rightly so. Why did he always have to muck things up? It hadn't happened yet, but obviously pretty boy (_and how odd was it that he was insulting himself_ _with that term_, he thought idly) had gotten a bit too overconfident taking Rose for granted like that.

He could leave, he reasoned. Just leave and figure out if he wanted to travel with Rose after seeing all this.

Or…

There was always a choice, wasn't there?

Stopping in front of the doors, he took in a big breath and pushed them open.

*

_A bit of a teasing, transition chapter. It was necessary. Hope you're still liking :)_


	12. Saints and Devils

***

He stepped out to find himself crushed against another door.

Why did it always have to be a cupboard??

Trapped between the Tardis and the cupboard door, he somehow managed to feel in his jacket pocket for his sonic screwdriver. He aimed its sonic hum at the cupboard door. He heard a click and the next thing he knew he was falling forward, ending up on the hard metal floor.

The Doctor got up, placed his screwdriver back in its place and rubbed at his forehead. He looked around. There was gray and yellow metal, huge red buttons and wheels on doors. He could hear a distant drilling off in the distance below him. There was a window near his right. He walked over and leaned against it. Looking up he saw... His eyes bulged. Was that…a black hole?

That was impossible.

He looked down, his forehead pressed against the glass. There was rock and darkness below.

Removing himself from the window, he looked around, hoping to hear some noise of some kind. In a steady stride he walked up to the nearest door, pushing the red button and turning a wheel to get through. Closing the door behind him, he saw that there were a few men and Rose just ahead of him. He felt a slight panic in his hearts, but quickly realized that they hadn't seen him because they were quite preoccupied, and huddled around a computer screen. The Doctor quickly hid behind a column of thick pipes and peered around it to look at them.

The men were now talking amongst themselves and Rose was still staring blankly at the screen, a forgotten message radio in her hand. It may have been fleeting for others, but in her eyes he saw that there was something missing. Maybe it was more than one thing…but there was definitely something amiss. He knew she was hurting before, but was she hurting still? What other things had happened between them? She obviously forgave him enough to continue traveling with him. He frowned slightly at the realization.

There was something else in her eyes and in her pout. Something he had seen a bit of before…

The Doctor was distracted suddenly when the men around Rose became agitated and started yelling at her to go with them. Who were these men and why hadn't the floppy haired him come by already?

"You go ahead. I'm staying," she said, almost whispered, confidence ringing in every word.

The men looked at each other. One of them eventually spoke up, "The Doctor…he'd want you to come…to save yourself."

The Doctor's ears perked at the sound of his name. Obviously, wherever he was, he wasn't expected to be back any time soon. He didn't know what was happening, but these men were obviously escaping from some danger. He willed Rose to join them. Much like the happenings he'd seen on Satellite 5, he wanted her safe, above all things.

He didn't know when this human had become who she was to him, but he could feel the change in him beginning already.

Still, he wasn't convinced that he should go back for her. If shown to her, would she think that all this pain so far would be worth it? She was a young human, she could do so much – it didn't necessarily have to happen because of or with him.

The Doctor chose to ignore the tingles of pain that etched his hearts.

"I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving without him. He'll get out of this." The words streaming from her mouth were said with twinges of worry, but with momentous confidence. Confidence in _her_ Doctor. How could she still trust him, after everything? After stealing her from her life? After ruining it?

The men looked at her in a slightly condescending way. The Doctor's fists balled up, his knuckles turning white.

"You don't know him. Because if you did, you'd know that he will."

The words warmed his hearts, filling them. After how desolate they had become, it staggered him to feel them so.

He heard one of the men apologize and then all of them seized her. Rose kicked and screamed. The Doctor fought against his urge to take her from their grasp. They injected her with what the Doctor realized was a sedative. Then they carried her out, her body hanging limply from one of the men's shoulders.

What a fantastic little human. The human race was fragile and tiny compared to the whole of existence, but their will, their fight, always made him stand in awe of them. They were, after all, his favorite species.

He had forgotten that until this moment. Perhaps earlier, but this was the true embodiment of what the human race could do.

Rose would have continued fighting for him. She would have raved and kicked and screamed to stay with him. He had forgotten what it was like…to be trusted…believed in…and…

He shook the words from his mind and walked back toward the cupboard.

***

_We're coming close to the end here :( _

_Or, shall I say, the beginning? :)_

_Hope you're enjoying it!_


	13. Quite Right

***

The Doctor stood at the screen, staring at it intently. He might as well have been looking at a blank white wall – nothing was making sense.

The Tardis had materialized somewhere and he was actually afraid of opening the doors. He had felt many emotions, some just beneath the surface and others that had been long buried. He'd seen things he should never have seen. But still, he had the choice to change it. Who was going to tell him not to? He was the authority in his own timeline. Neither the future him nor Rose had seen him…he could materialize on some other planet and go on his adventures without a care. He still had the chance to _not_ go back.

He dreaded his curiosity, knowing that he'd give in to it at least this one last time. Sighing heavily, he braced himself as he walked to the doors. Opening them quickly, he stepped outside to see…

The inside of his Tardis.

He cocked an eyebrow as he opened the doors to his ship and saw that everything was still there…the console, coral, grating…so why…

Looking in front of him again, he saw the familiar corridor, and cold metal floor. Then, a wave of realization hit…the Tardis had merged with itself. He let out a huff of annoyance. He was convinced that he should go back in his ship and finally forget all this once and for all until he heard it.

He could hear the skinny-Doctor's voice…was he talking to himself? Maybe he was talking to the Tardis, he reasoned.

Unable to not know the answer to a question, not when he was the one asking it at least, he treaded carefully along the corridor of his home. He stopped when he saw the Doctor's back and…

What was she doing _there_?

The Doctor looked around the lonely Tardis…it was too familiar to him. He couldn't understand what Rose was doing in some floating image in front of the future Doctor instead of here in the Tardis _with_ him.

"Where are you?" asked Rose.

_Where else would he be__, _he wanted to ask, among other things.

"…There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection- I'm in orbit around a supernova…"

The Doctor's hearts plummeted.

"I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

He couldn't see the Doctor's face, but he knew, by the sound of his voice, that his hearts were breaking…again. How…how had this happened? He hadn't yet felt the wonders and tragedies of traveling with Rose, but…after all that…to lose her…

"Can I t…" The Doctor saw her reach up as if to touch his face.

"I'm still just an image, no touch," replied the Doctor, softly. Rose probably couldn't hear the hitch in his voice when he said it.

"Can't you come through properly?" The Doctor smiled. He bet the future Doctor did too.

"The whole thing would fracture. The two universes would collapse."

She was in a parallel universe? He felt his hearts plummet once more. He knew the business of parallel universes. Had his people still been alive, it wouldn't be much of a problem.

But they weren't.

It felt like the world had suddenly been robbed of something.

Probably…because it had.

"So?" Despite the situation they were (all) in, the Doctor couldn't help but chuckle softly along with them. So many things surprised him, but Rose's reaction didn't. Had he been in his present body he wasn't sure if he'd have enough of a will to stop himself from collapsing those two universes. He was both proud and slightly annoyed at the fact that the future him had so much control.

The Doctor and Rose continued talking, but he concentrated on Rose. Her hair was shorter and more of a golden blond. Her eyes held a bottomless sadness that hadn't been there before, but they held something else as well. There was…_something_ that glowed from within, as if he hadn't taken the entire vortex out of her. Maybe he hadn't, or maybe…

He couldn't think of that just now.

"You still got Mr. Mickey, then?" The Doctor looked past Rose to see Rickey the Idiot, Jackie and an older man a distance away from her. He chose to ignore the subtle questionable jealousy that intertwined with the future Doctor's words.

"Oh, there's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey.... and the baby."

The baby? His eyes widened and he felt an irrational jealousy rise up into _his_ throat.

"You're not…?"

The Doctor chuckled humorlessly as he realized that some things hadn't changed.

"No. It's Mum," both Doctors exhaled, inaudible to Rose, "She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way." Rose appeared so distraught, broken tears held, dancing on her eyelashes. The Doctor could see how she was trying to keep herself together, to remain strong. The Doctor smiled half-heartedly. She was so stubborn.

He saw her lift a hand to wipe at the hair that kept swinging in front of her eyes. Her hands were covered in knitted purple fingerless gloves. Those fingers…those delicate but strong fingers intertwined together. It was as if she didn't, she would fall apart. The Doctor looked up and into her eyes again. So full of tears. And for him. The thought warmed his hearts as much as it broke them.

"Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth... You're dead…officially…back home," the words burned, "So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead."

The Doctor shook his head in the darkness. It sounded so…_wrong_.

The Doctor continued, "Here you are, living your life day after day. The one adventure I can never have." And wasn't that the truth? He could go on so many adventures, save as many people and planets as he liked, but he would never get to be the kind of person that could go home at the end of the day and just live.

No beans on toast or telly. No carpets or doors. And now…no Rose Tyler.

Was it worth it?

"Am I ever going to see you again?" her tender voice broke at the end. He felt the pieces of his heart ache. This was too much. Rose's will was breaking. No one should ever have to see that. _He_ didn't want to see that.

"You can't." He couldn't see the future's face, but he could tell, oh…he could just _tell_, this was hurting more than he let on. The last time he sounded like that was when he lost Gallifrey. His mind burned at the realization.

"What are you going to do?"

"Back to the TARDIS. Same old life."

"On your own?"

The Doctor's stare at Rose scorched. Had she been physically in front of him, she would see the hurricane of emotions in his eyes that her simple question had caused. She didn't need to explain or keep talking, he could see all the emotion her fragile human body held for the Doctor in her honey-colored eyes. After how much she was hurting, had _been_ hurt, she managed to still care more about what would happen to him without her.

She was more than he thought she would be. So much more.

"Yes." They all knew that was a lie. Eventually, he would break. Eventually, he would go one step too far. He needed someone, even if he didn't want anyone. Especially now. But still, after what he'd seen…no one could replace this little wonderful human.

Rose looked at him, her face crumpling in pain. She was holding everything in; the Doctor could practically see the struggling storm within her. He ached to hold her hand, to have her near him.

"I....I love you."

For a moment, it felt like that world had stopped. She kept doing that…making the impossible possible. He knew…he saw it in her eyes…but to have her say it…making it so concrete in front of him…it scared him.

"Quite right too."

QUITE RIGHT TOO?

He let his face fall into his palms as the words repeated a million times over in his mind in a matter of seconds.

"And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it…"

The Doctor looked up from his hands. Was he…would he…he wouldn't…

He saw her face, her eyes light up with a hope so warm, so innocently wonderful that he wished, just this once…

"Rose Tyler..."

And just like that, the transmission ended. Time was up. The words, her name, lay dangling in the air in front of him.

The Doctor sat, hidden in the shadows, on the cold floor and let his head fall back until it thumped against the wall. His hearts were beating so rapidly that he wondered if they would ever slow down. There was a tremor to his hand movements. He held them, much like Rose did, to keep from shaking.

After a moment, he looked to the Doctor and saw _his_ face in _his_ hands. He smiled unhappily at the image. When the Doctor finally looked up, he saw that there were tears streaming down his cheeks. There weren't many, but the mere fact that they were there…

He didn't cry. He hadn't been able to since a few weeks after the destruction of Gallifrey. He had felt that there were no more tears within him to cry.

Apparently he was wrong.

The Doctor, unable to stand much more of the aching feeling in his chest, got up and walked down the hallway. After a few moments, his walk turned into a jog which then turned into a run. He heard the heavy thumping of his boots, heard the rapid beating of his hearts as he ran away from the broken man in his lonely ship.

***

_Heartbreaking chapter to write. _

_We're at the end, I hope I do the beginning justice :)_


	14. Is it Worth it?

***

The Doctor was lying down on his bed, the one he rarely used, since he was unable to stay still anywhere. He was always unable to stand, or sit, or lay still, even when he was younger. But here he was, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

He'd seen too much, he already knew that.

But now, the decision was up to him. He could leave somewhere and leave Rose and her memory behind, just how he wanted to at the beginning of this little adventure. Her blond hair and bright smile would remain a fond memory. Rose would just be another human who happened to be helpful at the right time. Her memory would fade into the vastness that was the universe.

He laughed, the laugh ringing loudly in the large room. The Doctor laughed at his stupidity. Did he really expect to not think of her? He had only had one adventure with her and had already felt altered somehow. Her hands had felt warm and gentle in his large cold ones. They had laughed together. She accepted the truth of what he was and the impossibilities he could offer and her feet stayed planted firmly on the ground. Rose Tyler was not forgotten easily, this much he could understand.

Add to that the fact that he had just witnessed a plethora of moments he had never experienced before…images that…he longed to see come into fruition.

But what about everything else he didn't want to see?

His hearts pained just thinking of what it would feel like to lose her. To have her, in a way, and then *poof* have her and everything she did stolen from him. Would all the good times, the smiles and handholding, the stolen and irrational kisses, be worth it?

The Doctor turned her image over and over in his mind. The pain they would cause each other was unavoidable if he followed that path. If they didn't, if for some reason things turned out differently, time surely would finish the job.

And again, he asked himself, was it worth it?

Was _she_ worth it?

A smile grew on his face…it grew until he was wearing his long forgotten toothy grin.

The answer was simple.

*

The Doctor felt the ship materialize. He had already thought of what to say to her to make her come with him. The answer was quite simple when he finally allowed himself to think of the possibility. He couldn't believe he hadn't already mentioned it and couldn't wait to see her reaction.

Still, his hearts ached at what he knew would eventually happen.

Oh, but they soared for what they knew would happen first, before the pain.

He ran to the doors and then forced himself to pause in order to regain his composure before opening them.

When he finally did open them, he saw her turn around, her long hair having been flipped all around her. A strand was lying in front of her eyes. His mind flashed images of her on that beach, but he forced them away. He couldn't stop himself from doing this. Call it selfish, he thought idly, but he wanted to experience it all firsthand. His hearts faltered at seeing her again, for his own eyes, right in front of him.

He ignored his hearts to keep his voice steady.

"Did I mention, it also travels through time?"

He stepped away from the doors and toward the console, waiting for her to flounce in.

A few moments later, she ran in (without Rickey, much to his pleasure), her smile brilliant and only for him. His hearts reacted fiercely at the sight.

He wasn't sure if he could stop the bad things from happening, but he would try.

And he knew this was going to be complicated.

But one thing was for certain…

It was gonna be fantastic.

***

_So, that's the end folks. Did you like it? I loved writing it. Seeing things from my Ninth Doctor's perspective sure cleared some things up (not really, but it was fun, yeah? Lol). Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed. _

_Thank you to all who review this and so many of my stories. Thanks to _elvespiratesandcowboysohmy _for the continuous support and encouragement :)_


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